Blog Post: Life, Laughter, and Little Messes — Raising Kai and Ted

 

Kai was born on August 10, 2008, in Japan. Because he was born there, I wasn’t allowed in the delivery room — something about tradition or superstition, I think. Meanwhile, Ted came along on December 7, 2009, also in Japan, and he made quite an entrance too… literally.

Here’s a fun fact: Ted pooed on Hiroko right at birth. Yep, his hair had its first bath in, well… that. I never saw it, but just imagining it makes me laugh. (Although, I later learned it was dangerous — could have caused an infection. Luckily, both Mum and Ted were fine.)

Kai came early and had jaundice — yellow as a banana. It was tough to see him so fragile. He was a slow developer, too. It took over a year before he could walk and nearly two years before he could really talk. Watching your child grow at their own pace is a rollercoaster — filled with moments of hope, frustration, and sometimes heartbreak. We were eventually told Kai has autism, after many assessments in Hong Kong and Singapore.

I still remember the confusing advice we got: because Kai barely spoke, we were told to speak only English to him. Now, I regret it a bit because I wanted both my boys to be bilingual, fluent in English and Japanese. If you’re in a bilingual family with a child with challenges, have you had similar advice? I’d love to hear your experience.

We moved a lot when the boys were young — Japan, Hong Kong, Singapore, then back to the UK. I sometimes wonder if the constant moving played a role in Kai’s development.

Autism is not a curse. I wouldn’t change Kai for the world. But I do worry sometimes about Ted, our younger son. It’s hard to give equal attention when one child needs more support. Do you feel that too if you have more than one kid?

This blog is my little corner of the internet where I share everything — from autism and parenting to my love for Japan, Singapore, Hong Kong, archaeology, tech, and of course, my life as a father navigating ADHD, family life, and career as a DBA.

Now, back to the story of how we found out about Kai’s autism…

We were living in Hong Kong in 2009. Kai should have been talking by then — Ted, at 6 months, was already babbling and starting to walk. But Kai could barely walk or say much at all. One day at the playground, Kai bit another child because he didn’t have the words to say what he wanted. When we’d try to discipline him, he’d hit his head or get naked — a tough sight for any parent.

We found a charity in Central called Watchdog that helped Kai with calming therapies — music therapy, rhythmic gymnastics, occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy. Over the years, Kai improved a lot, but he remained shy and introverted. He had habits like lining up his cars just so, and sometimes, when overwhelmed, he’d still get naked.

Finding support groups in Hong Kong was hard. Other parents didn’t seem keen to share their experiences, so I started this blog to speak out — to connect, to share, to learn.

I’m gathering all these stories here now. It’s messy, a bit all over the place — just like life. But I hope it helps someone out there feel less alone.