Dealing With Burnout When You’re Neurodivergent and Raising Kids

 


Burnout hits different when you're living with ADHD or other neurodiverse conditions—and even more so when you're also a parent. You’re not just running on low fuel. You’re running the whole show, trying to keep everyone else going while your own engine is sputtering.

And sometimes, like today, I feel that burnout right down to my bones.

When Burnout Isn’t Just a Bad Day

This isn’t just “one bad day” kind of tired. I’ve been neck-deep in SOC controls, audits, and big corporate clients like PwC. That’s not a single to-do list; it’s a whole month of intense concentration, which isn’t exactly easy for someone with ADHD.

Funny thing is—I’m actually quite good at it. I don’t always understand why. Maybe it’s not about focus. Maybe it’s because I’m a people person. My ADHD has given me a certain edge—a kind of energy and fearlessness. I’m not shy, and that confidence helps me build strong relationships with clients and colleagues. In jobs like security and database admin, that’s everything. You’re not just dealing with tech; you’re dealing with people. All the people.

When It Doesn’t Come Naturally at Home

But then I go home to my son, Kai, who’s autistic. He struggles with eye contact. He turns his head away when spoken to. And for someone like me—who thrives on connection and interaction—that used to be really hard to understand.

It’s a strange balance. In the outside world, I can talk to anyone. At home, I’m learning to listen in a different way. That contrast—between the high-energy person I am at work and the patient, quiet dad I need to be at home—can be draining.

The Cost of Keeping It Together

A few weeks ago, I had to take time off. A full week. I didn’t go anywhere, didn’t do anything productive. I just stopped.

And it was the first time I’d really taken a break since the end of last year.

We’ve got a trip to Japan coming up soon, but even that won’t really be a “holiday.” We’ll be visiting family. It’ll be emotional. And exhausting in its own way. I already wonder how I’ll cope going back to work after that.

If I’m honest, I usually cope by jumping down someone’s throat. Not proud of that. But when I’m overwhelmed, I don’t always know how to contain it. I’ve never been fired, never been divorced—and believe me, I know how rare that is for people with ADHD. I’ve read the stats. I’ve lived the symptoms. I’ve also handed in my notice more than once, ready to quit. And yet, people—amazing people—have stepped in, supported me, believed in me, and helped pull me through.

So How Do I Deal With Burnout?

Honestly? I don’t have a perfect solution. But here’s what helps me:

  • Taking Time Off (and not feeling guilty about it). Rest is not a luxury; it’s a requirement.

  • Doing Family Things – not “productive” things, just real things: dinner, movies, talking nonsense, switching off.

  • Writing – even when I doubt myself, even when it’s messy. It’s how I process things.

  • Recognising the Signs early – when the noise gets too loud, when I’m snapping too easily, when my body feels heavy before the day even starts.

To Anyone Struggling Too

If you’re a neurodivergent parent like me, juggling work, kids, emotions, and expectations—please know this:

You’re not failing.

You’re carrying more than most people can even imagine. You might not always be on top of everything. You might forget, fidget, shout, or want to give up. But you haven’t. You’re still here. That’s strength. That’s resilience.

Take the break. Speak up. Be kind to yourself.

You’ve come this far—and you’re not done yet.

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